“They say sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some and right now, right now, I’m losing bad.”
Do you ever hear a song and it just hits you at your core? Jayson had been telling me about a new song by MercyMe, “Even If”, that he heard on the radio. He said he really liked it and felt that it was perfect for us and our situation. I hadn’t heard it and kept listening for it however I never did get to hear the entire song. I kept catching only the tail-end of it.
Last week, Jayson sent me the official YouTube video that they released. When I heard the song, it really did hit me to my core. The very first lyrics are what I first typed above. I have felt that Jayson and I are losing and have been losing for years.
Some of the other lyrics that really hit me were,
“I know you’re able and I know you can”
“I know the sorrow and I know the hurt would all go away if you’d just say the word”
Wow, those hit so hard. I mean we are talking about the same man that walked on water, parted the Red Sea, fed 5,000 men, raised Lazarus from the dead, and so much more! Why can’t he make this happen for Jayson and me? If he can raise someone from the dead and part a sea, surely making Jayson and I become pregnant would be simple, right?
Yes, it would be quite simple but He isn’t doing it. Why? Well I don’t know but I like to think that if He could do it so easily, but isn’t, it’s because He has something amazing in store for us. Something that is taking Him a little bit longer than what it would take Him to make us simply become pregnant. Can you imagine?
The same man who walked on water, parted the Red Sea, fed 5,000 men, raised Lazarus from the dead – is also working on plans for Jayson and me. How amazing is that? I can’t wait to see what He has in store for us and I can guarantee that it will be worth the wait.
The song also says, “God when you chose to leave mountains unmovable give me the strength to sing it is well with my soul.”
If His plans aren’t my plans, I need the strength for it to be well with my soul. I need to be okay with whatever He has planned for Jayson and me and I will because I know that it’s His will!
“Jesus I will cling to you come what may because I know you’re able, I know you can…. Even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.”
With love,
Haley