Do you ever have those days where you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has your back? Yesterday was one of those days for me!
I admittedly have been struggling with my emotions this week. I want to be a mom so badly and I just see obstacle after obstacle in front of us. Insurance doesn’t help cover cost of fertility treatments (which I don’t understand at all), my insurance coverage has changed which means the assistance I used to get with my medication, I no longer receive. I have had three people announce their pregnancies to me this week. Again, as I have said in a previous blog, I’m overjoyed for them and genuinely very happy for them, however it does emotionally drain me. I think it just brings up all the feelings of everything Jayson and I have been through and I almost relive it all in a short period of time.
I began to compare myself to them – why them, what am I doing wrong that they aren’t, are they better equipped to be a mother than me, etc. If you currently are experiencing infertility or ever have, you know the thoughts. I have been mad at God and completely devastated for Jayson and I. We have been trying for a child for 4 years now and we are exhausted emotionally, physically and financially. I keep asking God when Jayson and I are finally going to catch a break and then….
I had two people e-mail. One of them was a lady that I follow on Facebook and read her blog – she is such an amazing inspiration. You see I had e-mailed her almost 3 weeks ago with some thoughts/questions about infertility. She wrote me back yesterday apologizing for the delay but then went on to explain her faith and how God is so good. Little did she know, the delay in her e-mail, actually became the perfect timing.
Then another friend that I haven’t spoken to in awhile, sent me an e-mail out of the blue about how she came across a YouTube video and felt the need to share it with me. If you take the time to watch the below video, you will know exactly why it was the perfect timing. It was talking about following God and not comparing yourself to others and their situation. Oh how I needed that.
God is always watching out for us and whether our situation shows it now or not, he does have our best interest at heart. Just because we can’t see the outcome now, doesn’t mean we won’t like it or he isn’t doing anything to help us. His plans are far great than any plans we could think of for ourselves.
Take some time to watch this video, it’s worth it: The Snare of Compare
With love,
Haley