I’m ashamed to say that I never really thought about infertility or miscarriage until we were living it. I always thought it was something that was rare and not many people had to experience that journey. Boy was I wrong!
Last year shortly after Mother’s Day I posted on Facebook sharing our journey up to that point of infertility. I never did it before because honestly, I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that my body couldn’t do what was suppose to come so easily. Once I shared our story, I felt such relief and the outpouring of support Jayson and I received was so comforting.
Sadly the topic of infertility and miscarriages is still a very taboo topic. It wasn’t until I started talking about our experience that I began hearing stories from other people. It was almost as though knowing that I was going through it, they felt comfortable discussing it, otherwise they never would have said anything.
I have had people tell me that once they started talking about it, the response they got was either very offending, or they didn’t receive any response or support and it was extremely hurtful.
There are so many couples that suffer in silence and I wish this wasn’t the case. It is such an incredibly hard road that no couple should have to do on their own. Maybe it’s because people don’t understand it and don’t know what to say, however I’m here to tell you, please say something and acknowledge the pain.
Maybe you think if you bring up the topic, it will only hurt the couple more. Not acknowledging what the couple is going through hurts worse – trust me. You don’t have to say anything profound, a simple, “You are in my thoughts and prayers” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this, it must be hard”, are all appropriate.
I think it’s also important to remember that when someone has a miscarriage, they don’t just lose a pregnancy, they lost a child. I think too often in society since we never saw the child, it didn’t exist. After having four miscarriages myself, I can tell you that child did exist and Jayson and I loved them with every ounce of our being from the moment we found out. No matter how short their lives were, they were our children.
Next time you hear of someone going through infertility treatments or someone who has had a miscarriage – make an effort to support them and make the topic a little less taboo.
For the four children Jayson and I lost:
With love,
Haley